“Wrestling to contain your flames, in your pink wool knitted dress.”
–Ted Hughes

What is the opposite of vertigo? Not looking away? Balance or steadiness? Sure, but maybe that is not exactly the right question. Yesterday i was walking across the Pulaski Bridge, and it is a drawbridge, and just as i topped the place where its two halves meet, a huge semi gave the bridge the shivers. They traveled up my legs and tingled my spine, and i lurched forward a little, caught my breath, and coughed out a smart-assed giggle. (Peep show). i can’t say for sure, but i am pretty sure that what i want to describe is not the “death drive.” i do net the queer “spangled butterflies” of vertigo (Beckett). i feel the audacious roil in my tummy when i reach my head over for peeks at the water, bracing myself with the railings, not at all sure that i won’t go flying over the edge at any second. i have no desire to jump, but i probably wouldn’t say no to a parachute or a magnifying glass.